It may be parents’ worst nightmare that their child is being bullied or even bullying another. It is often the case that parents with their busy lives may even miss the signs that this may be going on at school or among other peer groups. What are the signs to look out for and how should you deal with it?
According to Kidscape Anti Bullying Counsellor, Linda Frost, the key signs to watch for in a child that may be being bullied are:
• Secretive behaviour
• Lack of progress in school
• Fearful
• Possessions that may be ‘damaged’ or ‘missing’
• Aggressive behaviour
• Very sensitive
If you are concerned that your child may be being bullied you should ask them if there is anything that they would like to chat about to see if they respond. Do not be offended if they do not admit that there may be a problem as many children are embarrassed about being bullied. In fact, as hurtful as it may be, they may prefer to seek to their school guidance teacher or other adult that they trust. The next step would be to contact to the school, if it is school bullying. Telephone the Head of Guidance to arrange a meeting to discuss your concerns (they may be unfounded but at least your mind will be put to rest). The school will have an anti-bullying policy that they must follow to address such issues. You should also encourage your child to help you complete a diary of incidents to log the bullying behaviour.
You can assist your child by finding out when the bullying is most common: on the bus to school, in a certain class, at break or lunch time. You can then try suggesting strategies for avoiding the bullying behaviour and ultimately, dealing with it. You could suggest that you find an alternative route to and from school in order to avoid the bullying behaviour. Alternatively you could try encouraging your child to make a wider circle of friends both within and out with school in order to foster more positive relationships. Be aware that bullying has now entered cyberspace and is easily carried out through email and even text messages on mobile phones. If you suspect that this is going on read through the messages on your child’s phone and ensure that Internet access is carried out in your presence as opposed to your child’s bedroom.
If your child is the bully this can often be just as disappointing for parents as they believe that they have brought their children up well. If you find yourself in this situation you should talk to your child and try to find out the underlying reasons for this behaviour. It may be that they feel insecure in some way or need more attention and find that bullying is a means by which they can fill this void. You should clearly state that bullying is unacceptable and perhaps issue some form of sanction at home (school may already have discipline procedures in place), such as a loss of privilege like use of a games console. Once confronted by loved ones, bullies tend to be very upset by the fact that they have been exposed. Positive parenting is the key to improving this situation once a sanction has been issued. You must set an example and assert what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Once this has been carried out, praise and encouragement are key to turning your child’s behaviour around. Giving your child some degree of responsibility can often encourage them to be more mature and thoughtful. Walking the dog, washing the cars, cooking one family meal a week give that extra sense of purpose and attention that your child may need.
If you wish to comment on this article, click onto the forum to air your views. Try these web links for more tips and advice:
Bullying UK
Beat Bullying
My Child
